Blog

Chicago O’Hare

Chicago O’Hare International Airport.  It’s Sunday, June 30 at 11:19 pm, and my connecting flight doesn’t leave until Monday, July 1 at 3:00 am.  For some reason I thought it left at 1:00 am.  But, sure enough, I check the itinerary, and it says 3:05 am.  On the way back it will be 1:00 am.  Good enough.  Since arriving in Chicago, I’ve had a fabulous Greek salad, and some Godiva chocolate (dark chocolate covered almonds and dark chocolate with raspberries).  Yummy.  Thank you, Tracy, for helping me get online here in the airport.  I also want to express my gratitude for all the support I feel, from the grace, ease, and magic I’ve felt pretty much every step of the way, to the people who have been there to share their ideas, their listening, and their enthusiasm and faith with me, to the people who have so generously hosted and fed me since I turned my Bluff Dale house over to its new inhabitants, Chris, Ashley, Sophie, Oliver, and Louis.  And my daughters, who continue to offer their love and support, through this crazy, cockamamie transition I’m going through.  I feel so much love, and so much appreciation for you all.  I know that I am not alone, and that is so valuable to me.

I’ll get to Guatemala City at 6:25 am, in time to catch a bus to Quetzaltenango, where my language school is.  That will be a 4-hour ride.  What I am most excited about is meeting my host family and my teacher, and beginning the hard work of language acquisition.  It also occurred to me that, for years, I have been asking for a work situation that funds my travel.  I wonder if I am moving into a phase of my career where that will be the case.  If so, then I won’t need to figure out how to earn the money to cover airfare.  Now I’m imagining a conversation with a friend in Bangladesh who is a professor at University of Dhaka, who is keen on me coming to Dhaka to provide supervision for therapists who are learning to practice EMDR.  How cool would it be if I could provide supervision and/or therapy to clinicians in Dhaka.  Three months of the year in Dhaka sounds ideal to me.  That would give me a chance to connect with and support up-and-coming therapists, and reconnect with old friends, and explore that country in a way I was not able to when I lived there before.

I’ll also be checking out healing centers in Guatemala, which is a neighbor to El Salvador, toward which I’ve felt an affinity for years.   I am envisioning meeting exactly the people I need to meet to make such an exchange possible: organizations that have the resources to transport and house an international staff member/consultant, and a need for the skills and expertise I have.  Thirdly, my sister, Tracy, who lives in Guadalajara, has been mentioning friends there in Mexico who are involved in developing a healing center in her general neighborhood.  These friends seem to have a unique set of offerings uncannily aligned with mine.  Who knows what is in store for me?  I am open.  I am willing.  I feel your prayers and your support.  And I am expecting the very best.

Here I Go!

Just wanted to let you know that I am officially finished with what you may have known as my private practice.  I just chased down my last unpaid claim, filed my last official document, and heaved a huge, delighted sigh of relief.  Don’t get me wrong, I have absolutely loved this past chapter of my life – and would not trade it for anything in the world.  My clients, it is you I have to thank.  You have healed me.  Through your courage and relentless work, your tenacity, and generosity, I am a different person now than I was six and a half years ago when I declared myself a therapist.  And now I am ready to go out and reinvent myself.  I’m not promising anybody anything today except that I will continue to be a creative being.  Not sure what it’s going to look like in a week or a year, but I have a feeling it will include travel, language (written and spoken), healing, and magic.  I will want to share it with you, and you are welcome to follow me here, ask me questions, or just pop in to say hi!  I can’t promise that I’ll always respond right away, as I may not have access to Internet, but I will do my best.  I love you all!

Reclaiming Your Inner Authority Playshop

Explore the edges of your awareness of who you really are . . . and deepen your sense of empowerment and joy in living.

Through guided visualization, journal writing and interactive processes, we’ll delve into your ever-expanding connection with your Higher Power, regardless of how you define that.

We’ll explore:

  • deepening trust in your relationship with the Divine
  • strategies for accessing your higher guidance
  • clearing blocks to manifesting your full brilliance
  • living a transformed life

Wear comfortable, loose clothing and bring yoga mat or blanket and pillows, whatever you need to feel comfortable lying down on the floor.

Workshop fee includes healthy and delicious snack prepared by the wonderful folks at Centro Latino.  An optional dinner will be available at an additional cost following the event

When: Saturday, June 1, 2013 from 2:30 to 6:30 p.m.
(Late registration is between 2 and 2:15 p.m.)
Where: Centro Latino de Salud, 609 N Garth Ave, Columbia, MO
Cost: $45 for four hours of fun!
Save ~ Early registration: $40 if payment is received by May 21

Register online now here »

Event facilitators:

Toni A Rahman is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. She specializes in trauma recovery and body-mind connections.  Visit her blog at http://tonirahman.com.

Trina Brunk is a singer/songwriter, artist and intuitive consultant focusing on personal and planetary liberation.  Visit her site at http://trinabrunk.com

In The Meantime

Finished a lovely book by Iyanla Vanzant.  Here’s just a paragraph from her book, In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want:

pg 276: Someplace in the back of our minds, we believe if there is someone else out there like me, that means I can’t be all that bad.  Without realizing it, we go out looking for ourselves, believing that if we can find ourselves we will be happy.  The thing is, we don’t always like who we are because we have forgotten the truth.  We think we need to be fixed — not healed, but fixed.  There is a big difference.  Consequently, when we see ourselves in other people, in our partners, in our family members, in our friends, we get busy fixing them rather than healing ourselves.

If you want to read the rest of my gleanings, go to In the Meantime

Catch And Release – Melody Beattie on what to do with feelings

Still snuggled in my bed this morning, listening to the sound of a soft gentle rain, reading Melody Beattie’s

The New Codependency: Help and Guidance for Today’s Generation

Here is part of a chapter called Catch And Release: It’s Only a Feeling.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

pg 231-235: Here are a few ideas that make feeling emotions easier.  The way to get feelings out is to catch and release.  When we used to go fishing, we pulled every fish we caught out of the water and took it home even if we weren’t going to eat it.  Then we realized fish were living creatures.  We shouldn’t kill them unless we intended to eat them.  It wasted Life.  We developed a new way to fish called “catch and release.”  We caught the fish, tagged it to prove the big one didn’t get away, then we set the fish free.  That’s all we need to do with feelings.  We can deal with a feeling in less than a minute (although many take longer), once we learn the trick.  We release the feeling and old belief, and Life teaches us something new.  Then along comes another emotion, another belief, and a new lesson  It’s a natural, organic process called spiritual and emotional growth.  We don’t control the process.  Life grows us.

Resistance, judging feelings as positive or negative, and talking about feelings endlessly will often turn emotions into a bigger ordeal than necessary.  I spent ten years grieving the loss of my son.  But grief isn’t one feeling.  It’s thousands of emotions–one after another along with many lessons about life, living, and death.  The process for feeling any emotion of the hundreds that exist is almost exactly the same.  We’re aware and quiet long enough to identify and feel the emotion.  We connect with the original emotional energy.  Let the emotion be what it is.  Sink into it.  Don’t resist, push, or try to force it.  Don’t pretend or act as if.  Give in.  Surrender.  Honor, acknowledge it, whatever words we want to use.  We connect with the feeling.  We completely feel it.  It has to be a perfect fit–like trying on the right pair of jeans.

Resistance to and judgments about emotions can make them unpleasant and hurt more.  The more skilled we become at surrendering to the feeling–the quicker we tag the fish and get it back into the water–the easier feeling emotions becomes.  Nonresistance helps neutralize pain.  The second we stop caring what feeling is in us, the problems from feeling the feeling are eliminated.  Whether it’s anger, confusion, hatred, or fear, we pull that fish in and tag it.  It’s ours.  We become one with the feeling.  Then we breathe it out.  Let it swim away into the ocean to wherever felt feelings go.

Judging emotions as positive or negative, good or bad, also makes feeling them more complicated.  We judge some emotions as “bad, negative” feelings.  Then we call others “good, positive” feelings.  But the truth is, they’re all the same.  They’re feelings.  There isn’t any difference between feeling sad and happy–except the judgment we make in our minds.  The second we stop judging the emotions, surrender to whatever it is, then breathe it out, it’s gone.  It doesn’t matter what the feeling is.  Think of the most brilliant symphonies ever created.  It’s the range of moods that make them so stunning–the deep, moody emotions compared to the light trilling.  There’s as much difference between angry and excited as there is between purple and green.  They’re both colors.  Different, but the same.  We might have personal preferences, but they’re all feelings on the color wheel.

The one exception to this is sometimes feelings we call premonitions, or warning feelings.  Those may stay with us, like a flashing yellow light, until we see the caution signal flashing.

We need feelings in the world.  They help us create great music, because we’re emotionally alive.  They help guide us.  They tell us when we hate the situation we’re in or whether or not we love what we’re doing and who we’re with.  they put life in what we do; they show us what interests us.  They’re the color, passion, and spice of life.

I can’t teach you how to catch and release, but you can learn it.  You probably won’t be able to do a feeling in thirty seconds in the beginning, any more than you could tag a fish that quickly the first time you went fishing.  But you can get better and faster each time.  Don’t make it a contest.  Take as much time as you need to connect with and feel each feeling.  We’re not going to blow through all feelings quickly, but some we can.  The most innocuous activities can help bring up and release an emotion–watching movies, laughing, exercising.  Our intuition will guide us into doing what we need to trigger emotions.  We’ll get an idea.  If we don’t ignore it, we’ll do the next thing, feel, learn our lesson, and grow.  Obvious activities can trigger emotions: attending family reunions, the death of someone we love, losing a job, or getting a promotion or raise.  Events trigger emotions, and so do people’s actions.

Contrary to what we were first taught, we don’t have to tell everyone each feeling we have, even if it’s connected to them.  The person was the trigger; the emotion belongs to us.  We need to make one person aware of what we’re feeling: ourselves.  How do we know when we have to talk to a person about a feeling?  After we release the emotion, we’ll be clear.  We’ll know what to do.  We’ll naturally do it.  We’ll trust ourselves.  We won’t have to think about it.  When we stop trying to figure out life and intellectualize everything, when we begin to feel and release our feelings, we start to live organically.  Naturally.  We do the next thing.  We’re not living emotionally driven lives or being controlled by our feelings.  We’re living from our center.  There are times we need to talk to a person about a feeling.  But do it after we’ve released the emotion.  We’ll be more powerful. People mistakenly think the way to express anger is scream, holler, or argue when we’re angry.  All that does is cause a fight or allow anger to control us. It weakens us.  the most powerful expressions of anger are after we’ve released it.  The most effective person in a crisis is the person not acting out of fear.  Catch and release is the secret to mastering emotions.  We feel each emotion by becoming one with it for a moment.  We let it have its way with us.  Then we breathe it out–like stale air.  Then we ask what we’re supposed to learn–if anything–from the emotion we felt.  Or we don’t have to ask–Life will show us.  Learning the lesson will occur naturally, by itself.

Sometimes we feel more than one emotion at once; a current feeling and similar past emotions.  We can usually tell when this happens because our reaction will be more intense than the situation calls for.  If something happens and we overreact, it’s usually because we’re feeling the current emotion along with an emotion (or four) that are similar that we have repressed and have kept living inside us for years.  How do we deal with those situations? Catch and release.  Intense emotional growth occurs when this happens.  Usually our lessons are like courses: We’ll have an introduction, then beginning lessons.  We’ll get into the heart of the course, have pop quizzes and tests.  Then we’ll finish the class.  Emotions will be part of the entire process, but so will letting go of old, limiting beliefs, and letting Life teach us new, healthier ones so we can become more enlightened or “lighter” as we go through Life.

I’ve also found that feelings often come in layers of threes, such as fear, shame, and guilt.  Or anger, sadness, and fear.  It can be any combination of emotions.  But our lessons are leading us to the same place–our Oneness with God, Life, others, and ourselves.

…There isn’t one feeling that can’t be handled using this technique other than an occasional premonition.  But catch and release takes practice.  I’ve been working on it for years.  We’ll each get the help teacher, triggers, and support we need when the time is right, if we’re open and willing to learn.  It doesn’t matter where we live or how much money we have.  The process will find us.  The important idea is the same as when we’re fishing: we have to get the hook in the fish’s mouth.  With emotions, we have to completely surrender to and connect with the way the feeling feels.  Don’t be scared.  It’s only a feeling–emotional energy.  It won’t hurt that much, especially if you don’t resist and judge.

Remember, I’m your travel guide.  I’ve walked this path.  If I can do it, you can too.  Keep it simple.  Feel whatever we feel.

 

Coming Around Again

Did you ever have a moment when you were struck by a truth that was so profound that you simply knew it would change your life forever?  And then you remembered learning this profound truth at some chapter of your life seemingly ages ago?

I am struck by such a knowing this morning, and it goes like this:

I HAVE NEEDS, AND I AM WORTHY OF HAVING THEM MET.

The emphasis this time around is on all the reasons, subconsciously held, that have somehow made us feel like needs were something that other people had and got met — not us.  Now, as I feel myself launching into a new phase of my life, I am forced to examine my life to identify those things that I want to be sure to include — those things that make me feel whole, safe, and comfortable.

As I ponder this truth and how it has presented over time, I wonder if one of my most persistent needs is the rhythm of attuning and re-attuning to myself.  And the building of trust in myself — the trust that I can be counted upon to reliably do this, in any situation I might find myself in.

Right now, one of the things I ache for is adventure.  Drilling down into this ache, more specifically, it is perhaps novelty that I desire.  More specifically still, a new territory to explore — more specifically, being in a place where I have an opportunity to use my five senses and something more to locate and attain material things, rhythms and systems that I need to feel whole, safe, and comfortable.  This journey — this process — is what I seem to be seeking.

And now that the empty nest looms large, my primary responsibility will be to myself.  There will be no real reason to postpone my pursuit of my personal needs — extravagant as that sounds as I think it.  Not that my children were ever a real reason for me to postpone my needs, though there might have been moments when that seemed true.

The people who have shared with me their stories and thoughts of late have helped me identify unconscious conclusions that I had drawn along life’s journey that (until challenged) stood in the way of self-attunement, and a healthy and balanced life.  These include, maybe I’m not worthy of having my needs met because:

  • I did something wrong.
  • my needs are unreasonable.
  • my needs are an inconvenience to myself or others.
  • I am somehow flawed.
  • I’m lazy, disorganized, imperfect.
  • my needs are just too much to deal with.
  • my needs are a threat to others.

And now, as I lay the foundation for my new life, I use these little gifts — shaping them into another form that sustains, supports, and nurtures:

  • I love and accept myself with all my needs, desires, and imperfections.
  • Regardless of anything I do or am, I have needs and they are normal.
  • It is safe to explore my needs and desires.
  • It is okay to reach for what I want.
  • It is okay to want more.
  • I am willing to do what it takes to care for myself.
  • Doing what I need to do to care for myself benefits everyone.

And so it is.

Depression and Your Gut

According to an article I just read, a variety of mental disturbances are linked to intestinal toxemia.  The article cites a study done back in 1917 that showed that “by treating a patient’s bowel toxicity, there was an alleviation of the following symptoms: mental sluggishness, dullness, stupidity, loss of concentration, memory, and mental coordination, irritability, lack of confidence, excessive worry, exaggerated introspection, hypochondriasis, phobias, depression, melancholy, obsessions, delusions, hallucinations, suicidal tendencies, delirium, stupor, and senility.  Furthermore, when intestinal toxemia was treated, physical symptoms such as fatigue, nervousness, gastrointestinal conditions, impaired nutrition, skin manifestations, endocrine disturbances, headaches, sciatica, various other forms of low back pain, allergies, eye, ear, nose, throat, and sinus problems, and even cardiac irregularities were reversed.”  Why has this research not been brought into our mainstream dialogue about mental health and nutrition?

Tweaking My Creative Process

I completely believe in the power of creative thought.  I just want to take a minute to share something that I noticed about my manifestation process.  Today, it was a perfectly good day.  I did notice some angst, but it was manageable.  When I examined it, I noticed that it was about having so much to do and so little time to do it.  A little background: I have been fearing how my life will change when my youngest child goes to college in the fall.  I have feared that having too much unstructured time will make me depressed and unmotivated.  Back to today: I’m zipping through my day and I’m telling myself, “there is enough time to do everything I need to do.  Everything I need to do falls into place as if by magic,”  And that is what happens.  I mark things off my list, I do all the things I need to do, small miracles happening at every turn.  And I’m breathless, and excited and grateful.  And I notice that this is kind of how things have been going lately: things get done, I do a good job, but there is NO time between tasks to breathe or to sit or to rest or to read, or even to think about sitting down for an hour to practice my Rosetta Stone Spanish course.  “Hmmm” I say to myself.  “I asked for this, didn’t I?”  I asked for this because I was afraid I couldn’t be trusted with extra time.  The universe obliged me.  Could be I need to re-think what I am asking for.  Here are some ideas of what I need to do to tweak my creative process:  “I can be trusted to manage my time.”  “My resources and knowledge are readily available to me.”  “I am guided continually toward my highest good.”  “I move through life with grace and ease.”  “I have ample time to do all the things I need to do including to pause, to process, and to rest.”

OMG

I just discovered my new favorite author of all time.  She’s Geneen Roth.  The book is When Food Is Love: Exploring the Relationship Between Eating and Intimacy.  Here is a little taste of what you will find in this must-read book:

“The wonderful thing about food is that it doesn’t leave, talk back, or have a mind of its own.  The difficult thing about people is that they do.”

“Eating is a metaphor for the way we live; it is also a metaphor for the way we love.  Excessive fantasizing, creating drama, the need to be in control, and wanting what is forbidden are behaviors that block us from finding joy in food or relationships.  And some of the same guidelines that enable us to break free from compulsive behavior–learning to stay in the present, beginning to value ourselves now, giving the hungry child within us a voice, trusting our physical and emotional hungers, and teaching ourselves to receive pleasure–enable us to be intimate with another person.”

“It is my belief that we become compulsive because of wounds from our past and the decisions we made at that time about our self-worth–decisions about our capacity to love and whether, in fact, we deserve to be loved.  Our mother goes away and we decide that we are unlovable.  Our father is emotionally distant and we decide that we need too much.  Someone we are close to dies and we decide that there is no reason to love anyone because it hurts too much at the end.  We make decisions based on our pain and the limited choices we had at the time.  We make decisions based on how we made sense of the wounds and what we did to protect ourselves from being more wounded in that environment.  At the age of six or eleven or fifteen, we decide that love hurts and that we are unworthy or unlovable or too demanding, and we live the rest of our lives protecting ourselves from being hurt again.  And there is no better protection than wrapping ourselves around a compulsion.”

“For those of us who are used to waiting for someone to bring love to our lives, the discovery that being intimate is a choice that we make at every moment is as close to magic as anyone ever comes.”

“We become frightened of intimacy because our intimate experiences were frightening, not because we are incapable of loving.  If we are ever to deeply love ourselves–or anyone else–we must first examine why we are frightened.  We must go back to the beginning, re experience (or perhaps allow ourselves to feel for the first time, since when those feelings first arose, we pushed them away) the rage, hurt, fear, betrayal, loss of what it was like to be a child we were, a child in our family of origin.”

“I am in the process of taking my childhood room apart.  And with each feeling I touch, cry about, and put away, each memory of fear, each experience of loss, the walls are crumbling.  And I am setting myself free.”

To read more, get yourself a copy, or read my notes at:  When Food Is Love

Craving Sweets?

Philomina Gwanfogbe Ph.D. spoke at the Clover’s Natural Foods Store on Wednesday, Sept 5. about our tendency to crave sweets, and what we can do about it. I’ve captured highlights from her talk below.

At the beginning of her talk, Phil told us that she was going to tell us things that would change our relationship with food forever. She was right. And I’ve been talking about it ever since.

The Body, she says, is always striving for balance. This is what it does, and it’s how we adapt to our environment, and survive in such diverse conditions.
Sugar is not the problem, she says. It’s the instantaneous solution, or the solution in the moment. It’s not the problem. It’s a solution. It gives us energy. It makes us feel happy.
She points out that in finding a balance, when we eat more yin foods (green leafy vegetables, sugar, alcohol), then our bodies achieve balance by sending a signal to the brain to take in more yang foods (meaty, salty, rooty). These are the foods that ground us. When we eat a lot of yang foods, like typical Americans do, we then crave yin foods to balance them out.
Food in restaurants, she notices, are typically high in salt and meat protein, which tend to make us feel the need for a sweet beverage (soda) to balance it out.
She also said that often when people crave sweets, it’s actually because they are thirsty. She says that most Americans are chronically dehydrated. She says you need to drink water whether you are thirsty or not. Think about this: the process of digestion takes place in the medium of liquids. If we are dehydrated, the absorption of nutrients in our food is compromised.

Here is a simple rule you can follow with regard to cravings. When I notice a craving, I can:
1) Take a few deep breaths, and notice what the craving feels like. If it’s still there,
2) Have a glass of water. If it’s still there,
3) Check to see if there are other causes for the craving (besides a need for food – more on this later).

Here’s an idea you have probably not thought about lately. Besides the foods we typically think of (that pass through our digestive systems – Secondary Foods), we have a need for what she calls Primary Foods. These include:

• Special Relationships
• Nourishing Spiritual Practices
• Satisfying Work/Career
• Things we love
• Loving Treatment of our Bodies

Phil says that Primary Foods are crucial to effective utilization of Secondary Foods. Imagine that. Primary foods are what can successfully fill the void we are trying to (but will never) fill with Secondary Foods. Think about that. She says that in the absence of Primary Foods, I will not only have a void, but I will have low energy, no matter how much I eat. Sure, I can do the sugar thing, but that is only a short-term fix. Treating low energy or “the void” with sugar is identical to any other addiction. It is an attempt to feel better, that actually makes things worse, and worse, and worse.

In summary, If I don’t fill my need for primary foods, I won’t ever be able to really satisfy my cravings.
Phil’s practice is built around the premise that the Body has a natural inborn ability to heal itself. I think that’s fantastic, and of course I believe that too. So let’s put this to the test. Remember the next time you have a craving, take a few deep breaths, drink a glass of water, and then check to see if you are still having your craving. Go ahead and eat what it is you are craving, but think about what is happening here. Make it a priority to take the necessary steps to meet your other important needs, that are so often overlooked and neglected. Phil recommends putting a list on the refrigerator for easy access. Here’s what my list of Primary Foods looks like today.

Since engaging in a creative project is one of my most important Primary Foods, I am going to make a project out of refining and presenting this list. I encourage you to begin working on a list of your own!

• Working on a creative project
• Learning new tools
• Nature
• Connecting deeply with others
• The arts
• Bicycling
• Reading a book
• Travel
• Listening to my daughters play
• Sharing ideas
• Yard work
• Hard physical labor
• Cooking
• Camping with kids
• Sharing food
• To be held
• Hanging out downtown
• Spending time with a child
• Watching a sunset
• Seeing the sun rise
• Playing Pinochle
• Sharing a meal
• Noodling

Making sure that your Primary Food needs are met requires some time and effort, but, as Phil says, it is certainly worth it! Check out Phil’s online presence at www.mynaturalhealingability.com.