I am absolutely loving having time to read. The two books I was reading together: A Course In Love and Daring to Trust: Opening Ourselves to Real Love & Intimacy, by David Richo were perfect companions. What I’m still processing from them is such important material. It is helping me to fill in the missing pieces of my Boundaries 101 class. Problem is, the class is still just 5 weeks. Ah well, we’ll just have to use our time well. Really well.
Daring To Trust is such a practical and comprehensive book. Offered from a Buddhist perspective, it covers everything from describing what healthy trust is, to explaining why trust has been a problem for many of us in the past, and always with compassion for ourselves and others. Here is another sample:
… building inner resources so that our safety and security lie stably within ourselves. Such inner resources help us look at others with a desire for connection rather than with neediness…. utterly thorough and conditional yes to the given of human caprice, something we notice now not with horror and blame but with understanding and even amusement.
pg 28: …we can practice a style that helps us know ourselves more deeply. We can first follow our need to see what it reveals about us and only after that seek fulfillment of the need, now understood more accurately. A need is then like the White Rabbit that leads Alice down the rabbit hole into Wonderland, the unconscious part of herself where she discovers qualities in herself previously unknown to her. A need can do that for us if instead of immediately running to someone for fulfillment, we take time to explore it. Perhaps our need for wholehearted unconditional love shows us what we missed in childhood.
Now we are reading our needs and using them as resources for self-knowledge. We are finding out that what we want tells us something meaningful about ourselves.
pg 29: We know ourselves deeply when we trust that we have an enlightened nature always underlying our choices and behavior, no matter how unenlightened they may seem. Read more David Richo here.