“Today I pick up this little silver container that holds the ashes of my past, and I hold it in my hands. I cry, I admire the beauty of the dove and the silver sparkles when the light hits the container just right, being mindful that it represents a very deep hurt, but I cherish it. I love it. I can’t help but picture this little girl, the teenage girl and the woman I was, and the woman I am, and long to be. My passion goes towards releasing all that is unlike love instead of going towards all of the hate and anger, bitterness and resentfulness. I cry… such pain I endured and it just isn’t right or fair, but I hold my past close to my heart. I wish so many things didn’t happen, but in this moment I am just okay with things and realizing I am forming compassion for myself in this moment. I am allowing the ashes to become beauty — allowing the worst to be my best. And I pause. I breathe. I feel the grief, and yet knowing I am alive, I feel, and I will be okay. As a trauma survivor who has struggled with PTSD most of my life this wasn’t something I could ever do. Toni has helped me in ways that are nothing short of amazing. With her wide variety of talents and educational background, her gentle healing intuitions, understanding and genuine compassionate yet empowering character, and providing a safe and peaceful environment so I can work through the traumas, she is helping me find that there can be a more meaningful and enriched life after trauma as I continue to recover my true self. Thus, beauty from ashes. I am most grateful!”
Toni Rahman is a Wizard.
I’m a 75-year-old woman with persistent PTSD and have been in therapy on and off since age 7.
My trauma is the result of multiple sexual abuse, rape, muggings and phyical beatings by strangers and family; emotional abuse from a parenoid-schizephrenic husband; 7 serious bodily injuries from car accidents, and untold numbers of falls.
With Toni’s skill at EMDR, her empathetic and intuitive listening, her insightful questions and feedback, and her encouraging warmth and humor, Toni has supported and helped enable rapid revelations and remarkable healing for me. We’ve done this with equal success in person, by phone and through email.
I wish I had found Toni 50 years ago, and I’m grateful and joyous that she’s in my life now.
Grant Writer, New York
“My first glance into looking for a therapist came in February, 2008. I knew I had reached a break-point in finally realizing I could no longer carry the burdens of a deep grief that had consumed me and a failing relationship that was withering away in my very presence.
After reaching the realization I needed help, it still took me almost two months to initiate the pursuit of finding a therapist. I started by browsing on-line, reading the individual bios of various counselors, therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists in the Columbia area; trying to decide whose service would best fit my needs. I studied the faces in their profile photos; trying to get a glimpse into their projected personality. I must have done that three or four times, each time finding myself drawn to Toni Rahman’s page.
I finally got the nerve to send her off an email telling her the reason(s) for my search. She quickly wrote a short note back that was both kind and encouraging. Yet, I let another couple of weeks go by before I made the bold move (bold for me, anyway) of calling to schedule my first (ever) appointment with a mental health professional. That was April of 2008 and the beginning of a collaborative effort to heal my very pained heart.
I spent an hour a week for the remaining 32 weeks of that year in therapy with Toni. The benefit of those sessions slowly helped me uncover, layer by layer, all the feelings I had tried to suppress and/or ignore for so long. Layer by layer, I uncovered. Layer by layer, I began to understand. Layer by layer, I learned how to articulate all those suppressed feelings into words. And once I was able to express them, I was then able to let them go.
It was as if I went through 32 weeks of labor and, with Toni’s professional guidance, gave birth to a new me. The process was painful but the results have been rewarding.
The new me still has sessions with Toni on a regular basis. But these days we talk less about the old layers and more about the new direction my life is taking. It has been an incredible experience and one I couldn’t have embraced (or continue to embrace) without Toni’s dedication to helping me heal.”
Toni Rahman, LLC LCSW
Phone: (573) 999-6011
Email: [email protected]mail.com